Bye Bye Paci...and Life Lessons

Sunday night we said goodbye to Sawyer's beloved paci. He threw them in the trash and got a prize that he's been eyeing...a Lego Read and Build set. I also got him some balloons.

Sunday night he was AMAZING. We did our regular bedtime routine and he asked me to open the drawer that his pacis were in, but I reminded him that he was a big boy now and he threw his paci's away. He seemed satisfied with that answer and we told him to hug one of his Gabbas. He picked one out and I found him sound asleep with his little arms around it about 20 minutes later. He slept all night long...not a tear was shed and he didn't mention his paci all day long.

Tonight when I put him to bed, he asked me to open the drawer again, but I told him that he was a big boy and had done so good last night and we were so proud of him. We even made up a "big boy" fist bump and he liked that. He was a little teary, so I told him to get a Gabba to hug. He did, and we went on with our regular routine.

About 10 minutes later I heard some very quiet crying. I walked in and he was trying to hide that he was crying with his little hands over his eyes. I kneeled down beside his bed and he grabbed my hand and just held it, closing his eyes as tightly as he could. I did what any good mother does and cried right along with him!...and prayed for the Lord to take the hurt away and comfort him. That sounds insane, but can you imagine 2 and a half years of having something comfort you to sleep and then it just suddenly goes away? I think I'd be hurting, too!

We talked a little and I told him he was being so brave and that mommy and daddy were so proud of him and what a big boy he was being. We talked about the prizes he got for throwing his paci away. We prayed again and asked God to help him be brave and strong and have a good night's sleep. And then I told him I'd be back to check on him. "Be back, mama?" "Yes, sweet boy, mama will be back." And then I went and sat on the couch and cried...and prayed...and maybe even contemplated fishing the paci out of the trash....

Ten minutes later Lance got home from Scouts and was greeted by a sad mama. I told him Sawyer was still awake so he went to say goodnight to him. He reiterated everything I had already said, Sawyer showed him our new "big boy" fist bump, we covered him up, and walked out. I just checked on him and he's asleep...still holding on to his Gabba, but asleep.

This mama's heart is broken. Who knew that this would be so hard on me? I consider myself to be a "no nonsense" kind of parent. I mean what I say, and I'm not easily swayed by tears. So why is this time so different? I guess because I can see that my baby is truly hurting and truly sad...and I hate it.

I hate even more that this will not be the last time that my baby hurts or that I hurt for him. In this fallen world he is bound to have many hurts. He'll be disappointed by someone...maybe even in himself. He'll have his heart broken. He'll fail at something. He'll have people say mean things to him, and perhaps do mean things to him. He'll be criticized for something....and his mama's heart will hurt...and she will want to fix it all and she will want all the hurt to fall on her instead of him. But that's not the way it works.

In our life we will have trouble and hurt, the Bible assures us of that. And, tonight I was reminded that the best place to go when we are hurting is to the Lord. And that's right where we went...to God..and asked Him for help over a paci....I was also reminded that no need is too small or too insignificant for the Lord to hear. God cares for Sawyer so deeply...even more than I do. He cares about every tear that Sawyer cries...even over a paci. And in Him is peace and strength and courage and comfort that I cannot offer.

My prayer tonight is that Sawyer would know and learn who God is...his Comforter, his Strength, his Creator, his Sustainer, his Protector, his Provider, his Helper, his Friend, the Lover of his soul, his Savior, his Redeemer, the One who hears and answers prayer, the One who knows us and loves us and is enough for every need.

I'm so thankful tonight for reminders of who God is, for lessons learned from a 2 year old...and thankful for a little boy sound asleep without a paci!

"When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I." -Psalm 61:2

**Update**
Last night he made it until about 11:30 and woke up. He never asked for his paci, but that's why he woke up...I slept in his bed with him and all night he'd reach around in his sleep looking for one. He woke up 2 or 3 times, but each time he went right back to sleep after a little pep talk! He hasn't talked about his paci today. Praying that it gets easier each night for him!